Soft Skills: How To Be an Active Listener
Being an active listener takes a lot more than just paying attention. It requires understanding the other person, and then conveying that you understand them, are interested in what they are saying and are engaged in the conversation.
There’s never been a more important time to be an active listener. With the post-COVID world making remote work conversations a daily occurrence, it’s harder than ever to make — or pick up on — subtle clues that your partner in the conversation is making.
As a leader, it’s vital to make sure your reports feel listened to and your clients feel their needs and concerns are being heard. If they don’t they’ll stop sharing information with you — or stop working with you.
Participants in a conversation have two goals. The first is to understand what the person is saying, both in terms of the content and the emotion behind it. The second is to convey interest and engagement in what they are saying.
As a general rule of thumb, as an active listener you’ll want to spend 80% of the conversation listening and 20% talking.
Active listening has three components. The first is paying attention to what is being said and comprehending it. The second is to stay calm and engaged during the conversation, not letting emotional responses break up the flow. The third is conveying that you are interested in what the speaker has to say and understand it, both verbally and non-verbally.
Perhaps the most obvious — and possibly the hardest — rule is to actually stay focused on the conversation: Don’t multitask and don’t put yourself in a position to be interrupted or distracted.
Here are six tips that will help you become a better listener:
- A simple but important technique is to repeat people’s last few words back to them. It makes people feel listened to and keeps the conversation on track while giving the speaker and listener a pause to regroup and collect their thoughts.
- At the same time, avoid interrupting the speaker. Keep your break-ins natural and brief. Don’t try to immediately fill a void while the speaker is collecting their thoughts.
- Putting what has been said in your own words shows comprehension. Paraphrasing is an effective way of being sure you actually understand what they are saying, and makes clear to the speaker that you are paying attention.
- Non-verbal clues are vital, both giving and receiving. As the listener you want to nod, use a facial expression, make and maintain eye contact, and use open body language to convey that you are interested in what is being said. At the same time, pay attention to the unspoken part of the conversation. Look for body language and tone of voice to see what the motivation is and what emotions are behind it.
- Ask questions. Then ask more questions. This not only conveys that you are listening and comprehending, it helps ensure that you actually are understanding what’s being said. Try not to ask questions with a simple yes or no answer as that can break the conversation’s flow. Instead ask open-ended questions like “can you tell me more about that?” or “what do you think is the best path moving forward?”
- Don’t be judgemental, display emotion or interrupt with counter-arguments, which can be frustrating to the speaker. Let them finish. Be open to new ideas.
Becoming a good active listener takes time and practice, but you’ll find the benefits are worth the effort.
Collemi Consulting leverages nearly three decades of experience to provide trusted technical accounting and auditing expertise when you need it the most. We regularly work with CPA firm leadership to help them reduce risk and maximize efficiencies. To schedule an appointment, contact us at (732) 792-6101.



